Friday, September 26, 2014

Get Rich or Die Trying

 Of all the things I've been through, I never thought the biggest thing I'd struggle with was being self-absorbed. This has become more and more apparent to me as the days roll by. This might just be yet another in the long list of inconvenient side-effects from my injury. I definitely have more information to process, what with errant nerve impulses and amnesia-inflicted muscles. But I think I've let that reasonable possibility expand in to something more dangerous; an excuse for withdrawal from the synapses of day-to-day activity.

Solitary refinement.


Needed A.S.A.P. (source)

Without truly realizing it, I've needed time to process the many ills that have beset me and my family. Mentioning before how I'm still unsure as to what constitutes TMI, my previous posts this month clearly give credence to that fact. It's so very easy to just sit down and start typing, venting to an imaginary audience and validating my existence through other people's knowledge of my history.

Talking to someone one-on-one does nothing but solidify my thought patterns, I know how to process information. In fact I've felt that I've had too much information, zipping around and colliding inside my head. My justification for attempting to loan ears? If only people knew my true story, I wouldn't have to endure the assumptions and gradual decline of social circles. I could easily attribute my increasing introversion to the usual factors; people being nasty, the world is ugly, I'm too nice and just need time... but the simple truth is that I need to get on with my life and ignore the unnecessary external recognition. 

What's considered dirty laundry? At this point I've decided it doesn't matter. If I still need to tell my life's story, I'll write a book.

I don't want my personal life out on the world wide web for all to see. I've come to realize that the need to share my story may indeed be justified, but it's merely a glorified and thinly-veiled cry for attention. Granted, the things that have happened to me are in no way run-of-the-mill, but there's no scale when it comes to who's-been-through-what. I can't justify expecting recognition when everyday some child dies without so much as a whisper. No recognition, no pity.

My burdens, trials & tribulations are exactly that... Mine. I've come to realize that I must learn to bear them with the gait of one whose character demands no praise. The fact that I wanted to share wasn't a mistake, I still need to spread my knowledge. The way I've been going about is is all wrong. The best way to move forward is to actively interact with my outside world, to learn new information so I can trade with my life experience, as the people who matter should never be too far off the path I walk. 

Life experience, so priceless and unique... this currency of nature is my true measure of a human's worth; a testament to the resilience of the human spirit. The more you've been through, the more you've experienced, the richer you are. 

Flammable lemons are a bitch, but they net a solid profit.

In case it wasn't obvious from my rant, I've decided to rather focus this blog on creative expression, mixed with a hint of current affairs and a dash of funny. Have a great weekend, wherever you may be!
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